The Good, the Bad & the Semi-Literate

My fans are weird. Which is why I love them and regularly reprint their fan mail. I received this: Your last blog was July 17, 2008,3:36 PM... You started off saying "Jeanetta thinks her pills have stopped working…. Therefore she is depressed." So... Please don't be dead, and if you are... please come back to life... I really love your blog... it's like crack... again... I don't know what crack is like... So it's like sushi... and I eats that shit like 3 times a week... And if I don't have my sushi... I gets grumpy... So... when I curse this son of a bitch out that keeps emailing me about his fuck up on his computer, and is mad because I have better things to do than come fix it... not to mention there are plenty of other men in the office that can do that shit... but because I am the only black girl in here he always ask me... and semi-sexually harasses me in the process... I'm going to slap him upside the head with stapler... and when I have to expla...

Jeanetta thinks her pills have stopped working…. Therefore she is depressed. Note to people: When someone says they are depressed, “Pray” is not a helpful suggestion. Suggestions like “Pray” make me want to slit my wrists. So instead, I fiddle with my own dosage and throw my phone out of my car window while driving. Deuces… Right now I’m making a powerpoint to show other people how to do my job if I am away…. This is colossal bullshit…. Cuz I don’t enjoy teaching. I’ve taught a few kids how to swim, to keep from having to save their drowning asses on a daily basis… But that is the extent of my teaching. Everyone who knows me knows that I don’t teach. As a policy, I just don’t. To this day, I’ve never slept with a virgin. Because I believe that the skill set that you meet me with is the one you should leave with. Why should I teach you how to do that thing that I like, just to have you wander off later and utilize that elsewhere…. No no no…. never that. I have never bettered anyone sexu...

When I was in highschool, for some reason me and my homegirl were worried about vaginal looseness (we were strange, I guess). So we went to the sex toy shop. Ps. If headed to the sex toy shop, go to Night dreams in Bethesda..... Best selection at a decent price. But this was in 2000, either before Night Dreams opened or before we discovered that it was there.... And at that time we patronized a shady store in rockville pike, run by this horny 40 something greek lady and her 20 something boyfriend. This place was definitely interesting. Anyway, one day we purchased this shit that I dubbed "Pussy B Tight". Pussy-B-Tight is the vaginal equivalent of lip plumpers. You apply a little bit to the inner walls, it burns like hot peppers, aggravates your shit and makes it tighter. It also made all sexual contact ridiculouslly uncomfortable, but that's another story. Pussy b tight was for emergency uses only (ie. You were doing something you had no business doing and need to cover ...