The Good, the Bad & the Semi-Literate

 The team is reunited and I've never been happier. I have people from the various phases and ages of my life dating back 20 years. The least tenured is 6 months. They each speak to and understand a part of me and I feel complete. Not fully understood by any one of them but recognized and appreciated by each. It's strange but good. And as I feel more fulfilled, I am better able to accept and embrace compersion.  Everyone deserves to feel seen like I feel and I want this for them. I did realize that I can no longer talk to anyone under 35. The divide is too vast and given my druthers I would prefer a man over 40. A little gray hair. Like a grown ass man. That's what I am into in my old age and I think the younger set thinks they are doing me a solid and I will put up with more bs because they are "young and hot" when in fact I am making concessions to deal with them at all. In revisiting the tenured men, I  realized that I only really entertain men with commitment i...

I've officially reentered "dating". Whatever the fuck dating is. And I've been very upfront on all of my profiles. Not looking for serious. Just casual fun. But I'm out of practice so there have been some hiccups and some learning experiences.  Couple of things: If someone is wearing a hat in all of their pictures, they are bald or have a receding hairline. (no shame but represent) No smiling in any pictures - fucked up teeth. 6ft is not 6ft - subtract 3 inches. I am 5'9. If you are not 6ft, I will know and I don't have an issue with shorter men but once again, represent.  I'm swiping right on people and accidentally swiped on a 25 yr old. His age was hidden (red flag but eh). He was a grad student so i figured we would at least have interesting conversations. So we chat for a bit. (appropriate hellos are exchanged.) 25  - Do you have snapchat Me  - No. I'd rather not. I'd honestly prefer to meet rather than send a bunch of photos back and fort...

Recapping on my last recap.  I met a man. He's nice but I sensed an under current of fuck boy, which is fine but be direct. Good dick but very vanilla. Zero kink. Not even a lil biting. Light choking. Nothing. When we began talking I was very clear on what I was looking for. Non-monogamy. Something long term that fits into my current situation. My current situation being that I still live in the same house as my ex. I don't hate him. I just don’t want to be his wife anymore. We have separate rooms but we like being around each other. Just not being married to one another. I liked the current set up with the new guy. We’d hang. Watch movies. Laugh. Fuck. All good shit But in clearly outlining that I am looking for a longer term setup, I've been putting in effort. Making time. Checking in. All that fuck shit right? Trying to make sure that his needs are met since I am trying to incorporate him into something less than traditional. We finally got into the details of ou...

 So, I met a man. No biggie (well biggie but like not a big deal or whatever). It's chill. It's comfortable. It's nice. Hanging out watching movies or cooking dinner. The whole thing feels new and good and positive.  Still unpacking my divorce shit/my general relationship dysfunction but I'm happy and at peace. Trying to sort out whether my inclination toward polyamory is merely an aversion to the toxicity of my past monogamous relationships. Maybe. Maybe not.  Did yoga the other day. That shit is no fuckin joke for real. Downward facing dog aint it but I enjoyed the overall experience. Mostly I've been hanging w my rock climbing friends, doing crosswords and exploring new and old hobbies. All in all, things are well. Have a ton of travel (work and personal) for the next 2 months so expect that I will fall off the face of the earth again. Apologies in advance but I have some world to see and some life to live.

I’ve taken up rock climbing. One of the things I wanted to do (post-divorce) was try new things. So much of being a couple felt restrictive in the sense that there was this pressure to do things together and if the things I was interested in were not of interest to my partner, they would fall to the wayside in favor of things that were more appealing to my other half. I met a friend who is into rock climbing and I have been going with her. Learning how to belay (ie. Hold the rope for someone else while they climb and ensure they don’t die). Taking classes at a very diversity friendly gym and really just enjoying learning to use my body in a new way. This is where most of my mental energy has diverted to and thus, less dating thoughts and more thoughts about that. Also looking into self-defense classes so that when I do start dating I won’t need to carry a weapon because I’ll be the fucking weapon.   The rest of my time is spent reading thriller novels. Voracious reader over here. A...

  Another one bites the dust.     Mr. "Call Me Small" blocked me after I countered his assertion that the gender pay gap doesn’t exist. While I understand his desire to state that “Wal-mart and Target have proven that the gender pay gap is over exaggerated and the difference in pay is only 8 cents”, I felt the need to inform him of the census data that stated that as a black women, I am actually only making 70 cents for every white man’s dollar. I suspect this hurt his feelings. You would think a man who wants me to lament extensively about how disappointing his manhood is would have tougher skin. Guess not. Shrug. Gotta love it when a bitch exits himself. C’est la vie.    When I initially started online dating, I was having decent conversation with this one 33 yr old. Seemed fine. Told him I couldn’t meet for a while and he kept on saying things like, “Hey, wanna meet me for coffee this afternoon?” sigh. Why are the men still fuckin deaf? And in my old age, all...

So.... I'm getting divorced. Take a beat. Process it real quick.  Takeaways are: I'm fine. I'm happy. All is well. But now I'm back to “dating” and I got on the apps pretty quickly. Needed to find out if the men were still out there doing men ass shit.  They fuckin are. They are out there and horny as ever. Strange Man: Hi. How are you? Me: Well. How are you? SM: Horny. Well fuck.  Buy a girl a drink first. Really just no warm up or warning. Same bullshit, different day. So as I go back into dating, I have to define what I am looking for and who I am. I’ve learned that while I don’t consider myself a sapiosexual, I need intelligence. I’m not interested in people who cannot banter. I don’t want to rely on one person to fill all my needs either.  That’s a lot to ask of one person and I like variety. I’m interested in seeking out pleasure and connections, wherever that should take me. As some of you know, I moved to Maine. What Maine is low on is black people. And I’m ...