Blame it on the alcohol!!! (2009 looks promising.)
Ms. Amber Alert herself said these words....
And keeping that in mind, I decided to take a look at the occurrences of last New Years Eve and see of their impact on 2008.....
This was me last year:
THE DEBAUCHING OF LAST NEW YEARS EVE....
I recall most clearly my coworker shoving 5 bottles of alcohol into my arms, staggering outside, putting the bottles in my trunk and sitting down on the curb to smoke a cigarette before I headed home.
When I finally did get home, I got a call from an "Old Friend", who managed to deliver himself, not unlike a pizza.... in 20 Mins or less. All I had to do was leave the door unlocked. Happy Birthday to Me. I even let him sleep over, because it was quite late (tho I promptly kicked him out in the AM.)
Yeah. I can say that Alcohol saturated all of 2008 and smoking leaked into most of it as well. Also..... Men. There was a decent smattering of men in 2008. I had fun. I conquered the orgasm. I strenghtened my friendships. Most of All, I lived....
Feel free to read the stories that alcohol caused by clicking this link.
So if how I spent last night will be any indication of how the rest of the year will be.... Apparently Imma kiss alot of strangers.
On the way to Station 9 I got a much welcome call from someone. Definitely put me in the right mood for the evening.
When I got to Station 9, I started off studying. Really. GRE words on my blackberry. Effulgent apparently doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Then I started drinking. I got into an argument with an old classmate from Hampton about his jacket.
The conversation went like this:
Me (From here on out I shall be J-Hood): What's up with that Jacket?
Old classmate: You don't like my Jacket?
J-Hood: I didn't say that.
Old classmate: I don't like you.
J Hood: Over a Jacket, tho?
Old classmate: Yeah. I don't like you right now.
J Hood: Who is your jacket by? Who made it?
Old classmate: I don't remember.
J Hood: So you gonna beef with me over a 50 dollar Jacket?
Old classmate: This is AX. This shit cost way more than 50 dollars.
J Hood: I asked who it was by and you wanted to play dumb so then I underestimated your jackets cost and now you pissed.
Old classmate: You wanna try again?
J Hood: OK. This is supposed to pass a winter coat right?
Old classmate: It is a winter coat.
J Hood: No. It is plaid and heavy flannel. That is a fall coat, disguised as a winter coat.
Old classmate: You know alot about coats.
J Hood: No. I just know alot about being cold... That shit ain't Goose Down or nothin... You fuck around and go to Boston or Chicago, you'd be cold like shit.
Old classmate: I don't like you again.
J Hood: Don't be mad at me cuz you be upset and shit cuz you cold in your "Winter" jacket. Now when did you buy this jacket? Before August?
Old classmate: Naw like 2 weeks ago....
J Hood: That jacket cost you...... 185 dollars.
Old classmate: You're good. It was 210 on sale for 184.90.
J Hood: Imma beast. I should go on one of them "Price is Right" shows or that show where they run around wit shoppin carts and shit, guessin prices....
Yeah.
Then we got into this discussion about how he is a Sigma and I confessed that I'd never done a Sigma, tho I'd had positive freaky college experiences with both Kappas and Ques. I ended up explaining to him the Freaky difference between Kappas and Ques.
On a first date:
Kappas are the kind of freaky that'll eat your pussy.
Ques are the kind of freaky that'll eat your ass.
He let me know that he now knew that I was a freak and that I liked freaks. I pleaded the 5th.
I ended up in the bathroom having a discussion with a 24 year old about the following things that I learned in my 25th year.
The only 2 that I never lost this year.... Morals... and the shoes. I love my shoes too much to let them outta my site... Plus my feets get cold without em...
Also, never sleep in a thong. Ever. You might be confused if you wake up wit no undies but its better than wakin up in a thong. That shit is horrendous.
Midnight came and I kissed the guy next to me. I'm still not sure about his name.... I asked 3 times but I'm still not sure what it was. No matter.
Things got alil hazy at this point:
I end up running into Mr. City on my way to the coat check and let him know that I was leaving.
He asked for my number and I asked if he had any of the following:
He gave me a quizical look and told me no. None of the above. So I gave him my number and he told me that he would help me hail a cab. I thanked him, got my coat, kissed my friend goodbye and went outside with Mr. City.
I kept telling him that he should get a coat. It was like 20 degrees out and he had on a nice vest and tie but no coat. He told me that he feared not the ails of pnemonia. He'd had it at 12. Then he told me my scarf was done wrong and showed me how to loop it into a slip knot.
Note to readers: Trying to hail a cab at 2 something on New Years is damn near impossible. Every cab was taken.
I threatened to start walking. I was at Station 9 on U Street and literally 1.3 miles from my house. Tequila and the fact that it was my birthday told me that if I wanted to make it home.... that I could.
I turn to Mr. City and say "With all this time that we've spent waiting for a cab, you could have drove me home by now..." He agrees. We get into his ride, and he drives me home. I try and calm him down as he fights road rage and we both agree that no one can drive. He is funny and quite nice.
I get to my house, thank him graciously and go inside. Off break, I walk in and fall down. I tripped on Nothing. Then I laughed at myself and yelled out "Pimp Down!"...
I scraped my arm on god knows what... I have strange bruises. That's when you know it was a good night.
I've been nursing my hangover with Mimosas all day. It has been rough. I woke up at 7 am laughing at all the shit that happened last night.
For all the crazy I did, For all the boys I kissed, For all the things that I hope the cameras didnt catch..... I am blamin it all on the Alcohol. All of it.
2008 went out like it came in.... DRUNKLIKE!
NOW...because i am a slightly superstitious person i have to add this...the saying goes that the way u bring in the new year is the way u will spend the new year...
And keeping that in mind, I decided to take a look at the occurrences of last New Years Eve and see of their impact on 2008.....
This was me last year:
THE DEBAUCHING OF LAST NEW YEARS EVE....
I recall most clearly my coworker shoving 5 bottles of alcohol into my arms, staggering outside, putting the bottles in my trunk and sitting down on the curb to smoke a cigarette before I headed home.
When I finally did get home, I got a call from an "Old Friend", who managed to deliver himself, not unlike a pizza.... in 20 Mins or less. All I had to do was leave the door unlocked. Happy Birthday to Me. I even let him sleep over, because it was quite late (tho I promptly kicked him out in the AM.)
Yeah. I can say that Alcohol saturated all of 2008 and smoking leaked into most of it as well. Also..... Men. There was a decent smattering of men in 2008. I had fun. I conquered the orgasm. I strenghtened my friendships. Most of All, I lived....
Feel free to read the stories that alcohol caused by clicking this link.
So if how I spent last night will be any indication of how the rest of the year will be.... Apparently Imma kiss alot of strangers.
On the way to Station 9 I got a much welcome call from someone. Definitely put me in the right mood for the evening.
When I got to Station 9, I started off studying. Really. GRE words on my blackberry. Effulgent apparently doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Then I started drinking. I got into an argument with an old classmate from Hampton about his jacket.
The conversation went like this:
Me (From here on out I shall be J-Hood): What's up with that Jacket?
Old classmate: You don't like my Jacket?
J-Hood: I didn't say that.
Old classmate: I don't like you.
J Hood: Over a Jacket, tho?
Old classmate: Yeah. I don't like you right now.
J Hood: Who is your jacket by? Who made it?
Old classmate: I don't remember.
J Hood: So you gonna beef with me over a 50 dollar Jacket?
Old classmate: This is AX. This shit cost way more than 50 dollars.
J Hood: I asked who it was by and you wanted to play dumb so then I underestimated your jackets cost and now you pissed.
Old classmate: You wanna try again?
J Hood: OK. This is supposed to pass a winter coat right?
Old classmate: It is a winter coat.
J Hood: No. It is plaid and heavy flannel. That is a fall coat, disguised as a winter coat.
Old classmate: You know alot about coats.
J Hood: No. I just know alot about being cold... That shit ain't Goose Down or nothin... You fuck around and go to Boston or Chicago, you'd be cold like shit.
Old classmate: I don't like you again.
J Hood: Don't be mad at me cuz you be upset and shit cuz you cold in your "Winter" jacket. Now when did you buy this jacket? Before August?
Old classmate: Naw like 2 weeks ago....
J Hood: That jacket cost you...... 185 dollars.
Old classmate: You're good. It was 210 on sale for 184.90.
J Hood: Imma beast. I should go on one of them "Price is Right" shows or that show where they run around wit shoppin carts and shit, guessin prices....
Yeah.
Then we got into this discussion about how he is a Sigma and I confessed that I'd never done a Sigma, tho I'd had positive freaky college experiences with both Kappas and Ques. I ended up explaining to him the Freaky difference between Kappas and Ques.
On a first date:
Kappas are the kind of freaky that'll eat your pussy.
Ques are the kind of freaky that'll eat your ass.
He let me know that he now knew that I was a freak and that I liked freaks. I pleaded the 5th.
I ended up in the bathroom having a discussion with a 24 year old about the following things that I learned in my 25th year.
- Never lose:
- Your Morals,
- Your Shoes,
- Your Car
or - Your Panties...
The only 2 that I never lost this year.... Morals... and the shoes. I love my shoes too much to let them outta my site... Plus my feets get cold without em...
Also, never sleep in a thong. Ever. You might be confused if you wake up wit no undies but its better than wakin up in a thong. That shit is horrendous.
Midnight came and I kissed the guy next to me. I'm still not sure about his name.... I asked 3 times but I'm still not sure what it was. No matter.
Things got alil hazy at this point:
- The line was too long for the womens bathroom so Dan took me to the Mens room. We walk in and this guy is like "What are you doing in here?"
I was like, "Naw, it's cool. I have an escort and I'm just siteseeing." - I made out with at least 2 people. At least 2.
- I laughed alot. A whole lot.
- I still pray that the cameras didn't catch that thing I did... yeah. No fucking comment. I refuse to tell on myself.
- I met this guy and he told me his name.... But his last name was the same name as a city, so I demanded ID. I always do this when a name is unbelievable. Like when I met "Paris London Anderson" at the Nationals Game. ID'd his ass too.
- Dan gave me a peck on the lips. And then went "EWWWWW". The guy who I kissed at midnight was confused so I explained that Dan and I were like siblings and that kissing me would be like incest. Then Dan tried to push me over the balcony to cover up what he did. That motherfucker tried to murder me. Seriously.
- By 2 something, I was beyond drunk, Beyond tired and had definitely hit my expiration point. I go and get my coat.
I end up running into Mr. City on my way to the coat check and let him know that I was leaving.
He asked for my number and I asked if he had any of the following:
- A wife
- Children
or - A live-in girlfriend
He gave me a quizical look and told me no. None of the above. So I gave him my number and he told me that he would help me hail a cab. I thanked him, got my coat, kissed my friend goodbye and went outside with Mr. City.
I kept telling him that he should get a coat. It was like 20 degrees out and he had on a nice vest and tie but no coat. He told me that he feared not the ails of pnemonia. He'd had it at 12. Then he told me my scarf was done wrong and showed me how to loop it into a slip knot.
Note to readers: Trying to hail a cab at 2 something on New Years is damn near impossible. Every cab was taken.
I threatened to start walking. I was at Station 9 on U Street and literally 1.3 miles from my house. Tequila and the fact that it was my birthday told me that if I wanted to make it home.... that I could.
I turn to Mr. City and say "With all this time that we've spent waiting for a cab, you could have drove me home by now..." He agrees. We get into his ride, and he drives me home. I try and calm him down as he fights road rage and we both agree that no one can drive. He is funny and quite nice.
I get to my house, thank him graciously and go inside. Off break, I walk in and fall down. I tripped on Nothing. Then I laughed at myself and yelled out "Pimp Down!"...
I scraped my arm on god knows what... I have strange bruises. That's when you know it was a good night.
I've been nursing my hangover with Mimosas all day. It has been rough. I woke up at 7 am laughing at all the shit that happened last night.
For all the crazy I did, For all the boys I kissed, For all the things that I hope the cameras didnt catch..... I am blamin it all on the Alcohol. All of it.
2008 went out like it came in.... DRUNKLIKE!
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