Dear PYT (Pretty Young Thing):

Sooooo...... I told you about what I didn't do....

  • Here is a tidbit about what I did do:

    Dear PYT (Pretty Young Thing):

    You are great. No, really. You are sweet like Sunshine. Shit. I might just call you that from now on, cuz that shit "is so good, if you threw it up in the air it would turn into sunshine."

    Mmmm mmmm mmmm. You have no books in your house. Not 1. I'm 90 percent sure you can read, but at this point I don't think it matters even the least bit. Talking to a smart guy is akin to reading the Newspaper.... PYT, you are more like a sitcom. And that's fine by me. I do not come over to talk or pick your brain about the state of the world. Plus, you make up for it in other ways.

    All that time that you spend "not reading" is well used in the gym because your body looks like fucking Hercules. and Me likes.

    You don't mince words. That shit would take too much forethought and it tickles me when you ask inappropriate questions...

    PYT, you are old enough to buy liquor but just barely,and that too, is fine by me. You feed me "Dibs" at the end of the night, managing to combine two of my favorite things- Chocolate covered ice cream and nudity.

    Imma keep you around for a lil bit. You do what you do SO well that I get cramps. That is a skill. You are well worth the trek into Virginia and I will gladly fuck up my bank account putting gas in my car to get to that shit.

    Ps. I didn't know that my body could do that. Sorry I fucked up your sheets. Next time I'll be sure to throw down a towel.

    See you soon,
    J Skittle... (aka "Cougar in Training")

  • Love is for suckers, and I'm a sucker at least once a year. Therefore I will refer to my exes by year from now on. Like Ex 08, Ex 07, Ex 06....

  • I learned How to read Tarot cards back in middle school. I consider it a skill, because them shits are always right (even when I wish they were wrong.) I did a tarot reading before last Friday. I really did not want to run into Ex 08 at the club. I figured it would blow my night and perhaps it would have. So, I sat down and did this Tarot reading.

    "Will I see Ex 08 at the club on Friday?"
    Inconclusive Answer. Couldn't get a yes or a no, definitively.

    All the cards said were "Maybe. Maybe not. But in the end, it won't matter anyway. You will emerge victorious"

    And I'll be damned if them cards weren't right again... Thanks "Rider Tarot Deck!"

  • I have a new perspective on Relationships. Apparently, I am now in the Import/Export business. I import yo ass from outta town and send yo ass back when I'm through. Keeps it fresh. The closest I am apparently willing to get to the DC area is PYT and to get there I have to cross at least 2 bridges.

  • Next accident I get into better be in a BMW. It definitely makes a difference. Like, instead of getting beat in the face with an airbag, the accident was like getting tapped in the face with a firm pillow. That shit had a main airbag, and auxiliary one behind it and a friendly air vent to keep steam from burning my face. THANK BMW. My next car... BMW all day.

  • DAN: Whole foods is not a gourmet restaurant. I still love you tho.

  • I went to the Gyno yesterday for my annual and a STD panel, just in case (I don't know what Ex 08 mighta been tryin to dip into.) They asked me if I wanted the Blood tests.
    Me: Hmmmm, what does that cover?
    Lady: Hiv, Syphilis, Herpes, Hepatituses (which ones I don't remember)....
    Me: Syphillis tho?
    Lady:You'd be surprised.
    Me:Hmm, Okay. Imma go a la carte wit this. No HIV, I do that at the clinic. Ummm, I'll take syphilis cuz it can kill me. Ummm the Heps. and The Herps.
    Lady: Okay. I have to warn you - The Herpes test has a 94% accuracy rate, which means that we have a 6 percent false positive rate. So If yo do test positive, we have to run an additional test to make sure.
    Me:Ummm, you serious?
    Lady:Yup.
    Me: Oh fuck that. Do you know Ill end up killin somebody fuckin around wit that shit... You just made this shit way tooo complicated.
    Lady: Yeah. Too many choices....

  • This is why I have to take notes. I was in my car the other day and in the middle of North Capital, this guy was standing in the middle of the street in a black wife beater, bummin money, while doing "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" WITH ONLY 1 ARM. damn.

  • This guy yesterday asked me if he could buy a cigarette off of me. I gave him 2 free of charge. Next thing you know , he goes "Hey, do you have a couple of dollars that you can spare?" SCUSE ME. You just offered to buy cigarettes off of me and asked me for money in the very next breath. You suck at homeless.

  • Dan is special cuz he said my hair is all silky cuz I got alil Indian in my family. I end up yellin out "FUCK YOU BITCH! I'm Irish." Yes I do have soft hair, but its not cuz of the Indian in my family. It's cuz my Mom's Irish. WTF


I think Im coming down with a cold. Im goin unconscious now.

Oh yeah: Dear person at Boston University,
You've been reading through all of my old shit. Please don't neglect yo studies. Knowledge is power.

And I present to you: For Erian. Tha Arab Money Dance:

Comments

Nola Darling said…
I thought this blog was about me or a sec... but it's not... cause we haven't had sex... Or have we... dun dun dun...
22/10/08 8:31 AM
Mrs. Mary Mack said…
LOL- okay the bum doing the head, shoulder...HILARIOUS

Boston University- that OneStat is the truth!
22/10/08 4:12 PM
SNM said…
Ok, I'm inspired, because a PYT doesn't sound like a bad option right now ... if he can make up for the fact that he doesn't read.

Hmmmmm.
23/10/08 7:47 AM
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